Why being real is what yoga is really all about
Whenever I sit down to write these letters, I always hold in my heart my intention.
Which is, first and foremost, to share yoga with others, and, as far as I—and anybody else who loves it—is concerned, yoga is an incredible, light-giving practice that has the potential to bring vast amounts of positive energy into our lives.
But, with so much occurring in our world right now, it feels inauthentic (and a tad toxically positive) to ignore what’s going on.
To pretend that the concerns and worries that we all have don’t exist, and that the often, all-pervading sense that these are increasingly precarious times that we are living in, is merely myth, would be wrong.
My heart aches daily for all the people I wish I could help, and I do what I can and I know it’s enough but it still hurts.
And that’s okay. As we said last time, we’ve got to keep riding the waves, however they come.
And, anyway, whoever said that yoga is about denying the truth was mistaken. The Westernised perception that yoga is all about ‘good vibes only’ is incorrect.
Not least because we have Satya (truthfulness) as one of Patanjali’s Yamas in the Yoga Sutras, but, also, as the many teachers of this ancient practice have said throughout the centuries: Yoga is about embracing life as it actually is.
We all know that we can’t have the light without the dark.
Or, as the late Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh put it, “No mud. No Lotus.”
However, yoga also teaches us that we’d be wise to let go of our attachments to our stories.
Another one of the Yamas, Aparigraha, or non-attachment, could be applied here as letting go of our thoughts and the identities which are tied to them.
So, for instance, if I had something bad happen to me, I am right to acknowledge it and feel it. But to hold on to a victim-mindset because of it wouldn’t be doing me any favours. It’s not hard to see how this sort of limiting self-belief would go on to influence all of my moments which were yet to come.
Another teaching of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras is the concept of Pratipaksha Bhavanum.
Which, as far as I am aware, is the practice of replacing a negative thought with a positive one. But this is not to say that we need to repress negativity.
To take these concepts together, I think it’s about being aware of the dark while also looking for the light.
Because they exist together. Remember: we can’t have one without the other.
To see everything as all bad (or all good) would be a mistake.
So, just as my heart aches for those who are suffering, I also feel joy for all the good that I see!
In these shadowy times of increased fear, divisiveness and separation, sure, we’ve got to acknowledge it, accept it and allow it to be there, whatever ‘it’ is.
But, also, we’ve got to look for the light.
We’ve got to keep our eyes (and hearts) open for the messages of hope, and actively search for examples of unification and togetherness.
As well as that, though, we’ve got to drop this idea of only showing our shiny, most positive selves to the world.
Recently, I’ve lost count how many times somebody has apologised for being authentic. I do it myself, so there’s no judgement at all.
But yoga isn’t about only being in a good mood.
It isn’t about being passive and letting people walk all over you.
It isn’t about living in a bubble and it doesn’t mean that if you’re not in that bubble then you can’t practice yoga.
Please, show me your wounds and tell me your troubles. And I, in turn, will share with you, mine. Then, let’s breathe through it all together. Allow it to be. Allow it to pass. And let’s each trust in our bodies and in the unravelling of our own unique journeys.
That’s kind of what The Yoga Letters is all about: dispelling the myths that not only threaten to distort our modern view of a deeply healing practice, but, more importantly, that they don’t hold others back from trying yoga because they don’t feel ‘shiny’, or ‘positive’, enough.
I can assure you that your yoga mat doesn’t judge you as being too much of this or not enough of that. It only cares that you show up. And, if you can show up at your mat just as you are, then you’re already there. You’ve got it!
Why does this matter?
Because we can’t truly heal without getting real.
It’s as simple as that.
Dr. Gabor Mate (I know, I am slightly obsessed with this person’s writing) said:
Genuine positive thinking begins by including all of our reality. It is guided by the confidence that we can trust ourselves to face the full truth whatever the full truth may turn out to be… Negative thinking is not a doleful, pessimistic view that masquerades as “realism.” Rather, it is a willingness to consider what it not working. What is not in balance? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to?
Which is what we have been doing in our journals since the start of the year, and will continue to do: we’ve been reflecting on the truth of who we really are and our aspirations for the year ahead, and we’ve been working on accepting ourselves—as we are—while at the same time learning that we each possess the power to make changes.
In this sense, looking at ourselves honestly grants us the space and opportunity to become truly fulfilled.
These ideas remind me of one of my favourite Ram Dass teachings on suffering:
“If you think your happiness in this society comes from turning your eyes away from people that are suffering, believe me, your happiness is riddled with fear.” Ram Dass
I believe these teachings relate to the concept of renewal because we have to be real with ourselves, and others, in order to have compassion. And it’s compassion that will serve us, and each other, as we walk the path that lies ahead.
Without realness there can be no compassion. For ourselves and certainly not for others.
Without compassion there can be no empathy, and without empathy there can be no change. No renewal.
This month, I’ve been approaching the idea of renewal as though it’s something I’d like to truly connect with, for myself and on my own terms. By that, I mean I’ve got really quiet. I’ve shut down some of the outside world so that I can listen to myself, and I’ve tried to decipher those wants, needs and dreams that are really, truly, mine.
Not just those of the world around me; the ones that I supposedly ‘should’ be having/feeling/wanting.
For instance, now that I am fast approaching my 40th birthday (it’s next month) — and, yes, I am fully aware of how targeted advertising works — I’ve seen countless adverts for Botox, hair-dye, weight-loss programmes etc…
Now I’m not judging anybody who uses these products and finds them to be enjoyable/useful/important, but I’ve got my reasons to give them a very wide berth. More on this another time.
But, the point is, I actually caught myself thinking:
maybe I should get a little bit of this done, here… a bit of that, there…
…like I needed to have this wild, physical transformation that shows the world how I am defying time all because I am in my 40th decade of life.
Well, sorry, but I don’t want 40 to be the new 20!
My twenties were their own thing, and I’d like to experience my forties for what they are. I am excited about being 40 and I have no problem with ageing.
But, there’s a script, isn’t there, for these sorts of milestones in life. Tired, stereotypical things that we supposedly ‘must’ do, think, and feel, and, I have to admit, recently there has been a risk of me taking the idea of ‘renewal’ to the extreme, and I could have forgotten myself. But, thanks to yoga, that’s not going to happen.
As some of you will know, I make a conscious decision not to dye my hair anymore. It’s not to be morally superior or anything like that, but because I just can’t be bothered to constantly feel like I need to change myself. And it’s not because I am ‘letting myself go’, but because I am working at being more accepting. Of life, just as it is, and of myself, just as I am.
I know, ‘self-improvement’ doesn’t need to be so deep, and that many people don’t seem to, nor need to, think about it in these terms. And I guess I could be seen as a contradiction because I wear light make-up; If I really embraced myself, I arguably wouldn’t even need to wear any at all, right?
Who knows? Maybe I am?
Like I’ve always said: I don’t have everything all figured out just because I teach and write about yoga.
And I believe that ‘we’ve all gotta do what we all gotta do’.
But, as tempting as these things, these ‘enhancements’, are for me, right now, they represent a level of unacceptance that I simply don’t want to engage with.
Because, well, where does it stop?
I feel I know the answer to this question and in all honesty it’s not something I wish to experience again.
I feel free now. And that freedom was hard earned.
But, equally, without becoming attached to these ideas of ‘doing something differently’, or getting my identity caught up in these concepts of ‘being free’ - for it is only how I feel, now, in this moment - so, let’s never say never.
I guess all of that was a rather long way of saying that being real is what yoga is really all about!
What do you think? I’d love to know your thoughts?
This week, as well as this ramble of a letter, I’ve also got an audio book review, my first podcast episode, for everybody to listen to. It’s about Gabor Mate’s recent book, The Myth of Normal. Which ties into these ideas.
And, for paying supporters, there’s an exclusive breathing practice video. It’s one that you can do lying down, and I hope you find it useful for reconnecting to your Self.
Thank-you all for reading this and for being here. It means so much!
Oh, and by the way, it’s never too late to become a paying supporter. Upgrade your subscription and you’ll be able to access everything, including all of the practice materials and journal pages.
Throughout March, we will be thinking about the idea of Balance, and I can’t wait to show you what I’ve been preparing.
And exclusively for paying supporters, I am planning a special journey through the Yoga Sutras.
So, until next week, I am sending everybody love, peace and kindness,
Louisa
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Thank-you, Luisa. Your comment means the world! I am so grateful you are here.
My birthday is the day before the Spring Equinox, so ‘balance’ is something of an affirmation for me ⚖️
I loved reading this and just subscribed. I agree with your assessment of Pratipaksha Bhavanum - that the purpose is not to repress negativity.
You might enjoy reading my yoga newsletter, mayks Yoga (https://mayksyoga.substack.com), as we touch on similar themes. :)